Went through a bunch of my photos and Sta.shed them ready to submit to the gallery. Lots of flowers and bark and abstracts and a few dogs and arty photos of art.

Not exactly creative, but going through the motions, and actually putting some up as prints for sale. At least it is progress of a sort.

Ugh, late, need sleep.

I have done nothing, nada, zip creatively since early November.

Nothing interests me. Nothing motivates me. I nag myself to get off my arse, get outside and work on the frame, go down the shed and finish projects, hell, play in photoshop... something. But every day ends up the same, sitting at the computer, "surfing the internet like an attention-deficient squirrel on PCP"*** and stuffing my face with whatever  food I can be bothered to to prepare. If it's not microwaved junk, it's whatever is quickest and requires no peeling/cutting/cleaning up after. Or icecream. Or chips. I have tried to stop buying them, because it is way out of control.

Actually, I have been creative in a limited way, but that has been creative writing, and only bits and pieces. Some 'Words of Wisdom' nonsense, eg "It is impossible to smack yourself in the back of your head while tying your shoelaces" or "Turning blue is the best defense against being mistaken for a traffic cone", that sort of thing.

But I just can't be bothered. I don't even have Fringe tickets yet. That bad. There is only one other Fringe I completely missed, and that was last time it got really bad, 10 years ago. And there are shows I would like to see, but I just can't see me forcing myself out to see them. It's often a battle against the social anxiety, and physically it's hard too, I am so unfit. And thinking about it just depresses me more and I feel drained and unable to cope.

And not even art helps, because my release has become just another failure to beat myself up over.

Life is really shit.




*** From 'This Is Why I'll Never Be An Adult' on Hyperbole and a Half  - a blog by Allie Brosh.

One month on from overload, and I am finally starting to surface. I am beginning to interact with the world again,  have returned to earth somewhat from the state of numbed oblivion I fled to to rest and heal. Unable to cope, all projects went on hold, even though I would flog myself mentally, daily, about getting them done. It is awful when what should bring joy becomes a chore.  

Prior to that, I was working on The Enchanted Lightframe, for that is what I shall call it. This is a bamboo framework to hold my led party lights outside under the verandah. I wanted something that I could attach using cords in such a way that it could be lowered easily to check and relplace dud lights. It has grown more elaborate as it progresses, from a basic frame that hopefully would fade into the background to an eyecatching feature piece.

I started by dragging out all my leftover bamboo bits, salvaged from past Fringe floats at the breakdown, and rolls of sticky tape. I really thought I would have the basic frame done that day, painted the next, and up the day after that. Instead, I only got the bare outer skeleton and a few of the diagonals done. It took a week to get the cross pieces in place and secured.

Some of the reason for that was that it was hard rubbish week, and I was attempting to clear up the shed and reorganise a bit. Unlike most years, instead of accumulating more stuff, I was actually throwing things away! I find that really hard as my mind automatically jumps to all the things I COULD do with them, but with the struggle I have been having getting anything done, I started asking "but will I?" and I got quite ruthless.

Out went the old portable tv, a battered refugee from the 70s that barely worked, missing knobs and aerials, no rca inputs even (oh, but I could pull it apart and get the good bits out of it...) - gone! Not even the cord was kept. The ergonomic stool (if I fixed the castor and gave it a scrub up and reupholstered it..) - out! A metal CD rack, some old plant pots, trim from a car that went to the wreckers 2 years ago, burned toys from a house fire that I was going to make into art... all out the door. Even the old storage hammock (minus the wooden cross pieces, they will get used) and a pool hose I had hung on to for nearly ten years, out they went. I even got motivated to take all the old paints and stain varnishes (some of which were also from the 70s!) over to the hazardous waste place.

Ultimately, I got rid of very little really, but it was enough to open up and declutter quite a bit. And it felt great. And for a wonder, I didn't go trolling the streets and replace it all. I did find some great bamboo trellis, which got used in several spots to take some of the plainness away from fences and walls, and to replace the storage hammock as a place to hang things from. And an old Christmas tree, which, it dawned on me, would make great 'greenery' to wrap around my light frame and make it more like an outdoor arbour. Win!

So, paper pulp soaking for about a month finally got it's debut as joint filler on the frame. This also slowed down the process as I wanted to experiment with different mixes using rice water and clay in with it. Documenting them as I went meant I had to keep stopping and then waiting for them to dry to check results, which as the days went by was starting to get to me. Then of course everything went pear-shaped anyway and nothing more got done.

So at the moment, I have some paper clay experiment results to record properly, then finish doing the rest of the joints and filling in a few areas with a light paper maché to add interest. I got a few done, but once again I was experimenting with different papers, so that went slowly as well. Once I decide which method and material to go with, the rest should go quickly.

Lastly, I finally got the polymer clay bits into the toaster oven and was able to keep the temp quite even if just a bit high, and pulled out a screen print to play with, which has come along nicely. (Tonalbrown in the gallery)

Enough for now.

Off with their spinning shoes Henry. Off with them I say. All hands to the rocket potato. Gleep. Gleep. Gleep.

It's meltdown, but not of the plastic kind.

Imagine a head in a G clamp.
Imagine it tightening, more and more, pressure building,
Until the skull cracks, and pieces go flying in all directions.

~self portrait,  10/11/11

Sooo, the Emmys came and went. No real difference in my sales, execpt that I did sell... dant dant daaaaa... a pair of TropicalDog Keds! Woohoo. So cool, but I don't think it had anything to do with the show, other than maybe my promoting it. Had a bit of a slump post show, but I have been steadily working on stuff down the shed, mostly trying to finish the damn croc planter and some experiments with plastic again. This time minus the food processor.

Soo, what have I been working on.

Okay, the croc planter got a frame, but because it is going to have plants that will be watered and WILL overflow at some point, I want to make sure that the wood is all properly sealed, and that there are no gaps for water to get into. I will be so pleased when this damn thing is done!

And... lighting! Years ago I was given a 'sculpture' made by a faulty machine. It is a heap of plastic tubing that was supposed to be made into soft drink bottles, but something went wrong in production and instead it got heated up and then slumped and piled up on itself, a bit like drizzled treacle. The person who gave it to me kept telling me I should drill up into it and put a light into it, but it was always too hard and I didn't want to wreck it. So it sat there waiting for inspiration to strike. And strike it did. I stripped the white led string from one of those trendy decorator twig things, and wrapped it around the plastic and bam! Brilliant one of a kind light. Colourless and ordinary during the day, it looks fantastic lit up at night.

That led me to experimenting with coke bottles and cds and a pocket gas torch. Having fun, but nothing finished yet.

Speaking of finished, I have finally got around to making up my 'crop circle' wall art boards. Well, one anyway. I had a bit of a fluff with the painting, but I was able to sand those bits back and finished them with glitter stickers. I could probably have hand painted some flowers or something, but the stickers were there, and it's done now. Just needs a lick of varnish.

I have also done a bit of photography, using a small sculpture by a friend and a salt lamp, and another bit using my new light, slow shutter speeds and movement to get some interesting pics.

Aaand, I got a pasta machine for getting thin sheets of polymer clay, and I have been working on the jewellery bits too.  Pics to come!

Right, shed time.

Woohoo, my shoes, Hollywood! MUCH better photo this time with a smiling Lorraine Bracca. We got heaps of positive comments and a few members got contact info from celebrities wanting to buy the display pieces. Not mine however. More when I am not so tired I got distracted while writing this, nothing unusual, and now it is time to sleep. You can see the pic in my scrapbook. (Where else would you put it after all)

I have just spent several very enjoyable hours down the shed and 'stuff' is progressing very well indeed. I would like to say at this point that metallic champagne paint is absolutely gorgeous, and my experimental resin castings may not have been quite the waste of time I originally thought they were.

So.

I have been working on my website, and have got it looking close to how I wanted it. Still a few tweaks, I am not happy with the photo album, and I need to add a heap of content and reload the header image, but I at least have it to the point that I can send people to it now without cringing. I have also been adding a few things to the art section of my Zazzle store.

But tonight, I went down to the shed and just tried some stuff. And some of it worked very well indeed. Some has sparked off some new ideas, and a couple of things didn't really work. Gessoing over a box with a plastic-y film was pointless, as it just flakes off when you scratch at it. I was pretty sure it would, but hey, sometimes you just have to try things, and occasionally they surprise you. Not however in this case.

And the gold paint didn't work very well on the raw wood of the desk hole bit. I am a bit conflicted over using one to elevate Qween, as it spoils the lines and obscures the skirt ring a bit, but without it, it is a bit small. And it is looking like the resistors might get used as horizontal joiners rather that forming the vertical strips, I don't think there is room for them to go that way. So I am letting that stew for a bit.

However the resin hearts came up very well. I had used a variety of shells and some blue pigment in differing configurations to see what I could come up with. They are not particularly novel, but a few will look okay finished I think. I may still find a way to make them unique, but for now I had decided to paint the backs to see if it would improve them, and I dithered around a bit with a few of them, having trouble deciding between black and gold. In the end, most of them went one or the other, but one (filled with tiny purple spiral shells) just needed a lighter background. So I tried a bit of 'metallic champagne' folk art acrylic on it, and it looks great. I then tried it on the back of one I did in a plastic drink bottle cap, filled with melted straw bits and glitter. Again I was quite pleased with the effect. And so I dabbed a bit onto another piece, this one made from a dark seed pod, and it added a lovely shimmery look to it.

I also gessoed a couple of cardboard rings from rolls of tape, and will have a play with them soon.

I will try and add some photos tomorrow.

Resin - eeeeek. oh noes. disaster! Solution, trial, sigh, okay to good. phew.
Advert - yikes, fiddle, brainwave, poke, prod, YAY!
Replacement head. Maybe
Pillow boxes. O.M.G. much agonising and gnashing of teeth, swollen finger, draw, slice, score, draw, slice, score, stick, stuff, seal, yay!
Broach or pendant, grrr, yay, whoops, grrr, yay.
Australia Post and US customs - aarrgghhh, I'm balding!
Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.
Next.

Oh Noes! While showing off my Qween of the Bone I forgot myself and tipped it, and the porcelain head fell off and shattered on the tiled floor. Gutted! Not sure what I am going to do now. I know I used to have another of those statuettes, but it is no longer in the potted plants out the side, and I can't remember whether I broke that one or put it away. So I am going to have to take the bone and do an op shop crawl to try to find a new head that I like. I doubt that I would find another the same. But if I keep in mind the features and shape, I may find one with a very similar head, even if I have to paint it.

However that will have to take a back seat as the Emmys deadlines draw close. I am concentrating on the gift bag items and getting the magazine ad done.

My jewellery bits arrived, and I realized I had ordered the wrong sized squares for the pendants. However the oval sized ones were a good size and I thought about what to use on them. I would have liked to do a bizarre cameo, but could not think of anything that grabbed me, and after much agonizing, I decided to just go with the TropicalDog, but zoomed in on the main figure.

With that decided I did some proofing and tweaking and found that I would be able to do the entire lot on one single sheet of glossy photo paper. Luckily my sealer spray was still viable and I was able to seal it with no fuss. Then came the cutting out. My eyes are not the best, even with new glasses, and cutting small curves evenly is a challenge. I had to do it outside in bright light, and hold it practically up to my nose to see well enough what I was doing. But I finally got it done, and then glued them into the pendant trays. They looked so pretty all lined up in rows.

So next step is to cover them with casting resin, attempting to dome it up a little and seal the paper in, giving it a lovely glossy finish. I have not used it before, so I will have to do a test casting first.

And only three more days to finish the advert. YIKES! Better get moving.

Finally.

Things are moving forward, my mojo is starting to make something of a comeback. I have been playing and experimenting almost daily for over two weeks. And it feels good!

In trying to come up with 100 things to send over to go into the IndiExhibit bags for the Emmys, I finally got out the Klean Klay I bought a few years ago and kneaded it into workable condition.

First I made a face incense holder, but it is so much bigger than the paper ones, as they shrank as they dried and got lovely wrinkles on them. I guess these will just have to be bigger. Then I attempted a plaster mould, but the stupid instructions didn't have how much plaster I should use, although I do have a fair idea. But then I realized that I wasn't going to have enough, so I added more water, but I don't think enough plaster on top of it. Anyhow, the cast seemed to take a very long time to dry out and is still quite soft. That was good as far as cutting it in half went but I don't know how well it will work as an actual mould. I used a pottery wire with a sawing motion, which  worked but was messy and left a very rough surface. I am wondering whether coating it with a layer of wax would help.

Also had a play just seeing what I could do with the clay. Made the head and body of a dragon and a couple of experimental effects pieces. Nice, now to try it with an air dry clay. Did a few polymer pieces as well, they will need to be baked which is a lot more involved than I realized.

I have been doing a LOT of shopping, and now have das air dry clay, some cookable sculpey mica shift polymer clay, clay tools, an oven thermometer, plaster (20kg), a set of jewellery pliers, clamps, rolls of memory wire and stretchy beading cord, 200 pendant cameo blanks, cello presentation bags, casting resin and very fine plastic covered wire. With all of that, I have to be able to come up with SOMETHING to send.

While waiting for the cameo blanks and memory wire to arrive, I decided (with a little help - cheers Andrew) I HAD to get moving on my Qween of the Bone sculpture and get it out of the way. I have been frustrated in getting the next stage done, and have had to revise what I wanted to do, but I have finally found the answer to the skirt and the answer is...

Metal Macrame.

Soldering was just not working for me. I tried and tried, but I just cannot seem to get the hang of it. So, I tried joining the line of resistors using short lengths of galvanized wire between them, and using copper wire to wrap around the pieces to hold them all together. This worked, but didn't look quite right and was still a bit fragile. And how was I going to join the lengths to the ring at the bottom?
I bought some fine silver wire (turns out it is plastic coating) to wrap the bottom ring and that worked okay, even though it is more like fishing line that stays put-ish, than wire. But I have been debating in my mind whether I want the skirt to look more copper or more silver.  And did I want to just have the vertical strands, or do some horizontal lines as well?  This brought to mind knotting, and it suddenly occured to me that maybe I could do some macrame knots. The copper wire I have been using is salvaged from old tvs and monitors, and I had some very fine stuff so I decided to attempt  it.

BINGO!

We have a winner folks! By using the bottom wire ring to anchor the wires, I can knot the strands I need, wire the larger resistors to it through the holes, cut the ends to length and press them into a little air dry putty around the waist, then cover them with another strip and have a nice flat belt to which the row of other tiny resistors can be glued. HA! Who says craft can't be art? Those that do simply lack sufficient imagination.

The bonus is, it looks fantastic as well. Fancy and glittery, with the copper wire forming a core down the centre and the silver weaving around over the top of it. I have posted pictures in the workshop folder. And it will be a lot sturdier too.

Signing off 'til next time, see ya folks!

Well, I don't seem to be able to implement the creative thing a day like I hoped. I have been creating, but the documenting has been beyond me.

Ah well, more important things happening, and steps are going in the right direction.

I think I can, I think I can.

I have actually done a few creative things this last week, so I am not as slack as it would seem.

First of all, although it is not strictly creative (more like boasting) I finally got around to adding my 'HeartStrings' design to a few more products on Zazzle, including a proper sized poster which caught the eye of someone there and earned me a 'Todays Best Award'. It is the first one I have had from there, and I was really chuffed. Got me a few comments and a couple of new fans.

Also did some experimenting with twisting and wrapping wire.

Did a squirly pattern in gold on a black card, just for me, just because.

And got down to the business of joining resistors together for the skirt of Qween of the Bone. Have decided against using circuit board segments as they were too hard to cut and I think the resisitors will look better anyway. Sooo, having discovered that I cannot solder, I have decided to use galvanized wire splints with copper wire wound around them to hold it all together. This will also bridge any gaps where the legs don't meet and stiffen the whole thing into ribs. Have not worked out how to attach it at the waist yet, as it will have the copper ribbon and itsy bitsy resistors around there. But it is getting there.

Oh, and I transferred at least most of my 'art' video tape onto dvd so I can put together a little avi slideshow.

Blerk.
Life is alternately brilliant and shitty. And often a bit of both at the same time.

New glasses
Pros: Can see again, look good
Cons: limited field of vision, ulcer on nose from weight, headaches from adjusting to them

Fringe
Pros: I always get a laugh. Get out of the house. Get exercise. Get artistically inspired.
Cons: feel even more alone.  Headachy, not helped by lighting at some venues.

I have also been doing prep for 'Qween of the Bone', getting the components off a circuit board.
I waited till I had my new glasses, and discovered that the soldering iron and solder sucker I bought are useless for the job, and that it is much quicker and easier to use wire cutters to snip through the legs of most of the components, leaving only the larger complex bits to unsolder.
I have almost cleared one board, which should be almost enough to make the skirt with.

Also been working on a new Zazzle store, AwwwCats, which is all cats and nothing else. So far, so good.

It has taken me a long time to recover from the boot camp and art challenge. I am proud of what I achieved, but learnt that I need to take smaller steps!

I went down into the shed for a while yesterday, but could not really settle on any particular thing to do. And when I did, I didn't have the equipment.  Basically I pottered about and looked at some of my projects and assessed where they were at and what they still needed done. Oh, and did an experiment with my new little torch, which worked but did not have the result I was after, in that the wire I heated did eventually bend, but it burnt off the shiny finish. So I'll go with the shiny plastic parts this time, and maybe look at gold leaf coatings for future projects if I want to use the whippy wire bent.

Mucked about some with watercolours while watching the kids. Once again, no focus on what I wanted to achieve. Basically, I just experimented with the washes and effects.

Day 23
No exercise today, had an appointment in the morning, then watching the kids in the afternoon. Planned to do some more watercolor work while I was there, but after dinner when I sat down to play, I discovered I wasn't seeing properly. OH NO, Migrane setting in! Took a panadol and lay down, and must have fallen asleep because the next thing I knew my sister was home and it was time for me to shuffle off. Still a bit headachy by midnight, even after 2 neurofen, and it nagged on for the rest of the night, not full blown hammering, but enough to keep me awake and it was about 6 before I finally dropped off.  Needless to say, no art again today.

Day 24
Supposed to be the second to last boot camp session, but I dared not go. When the alarm went off, I just shut it off and went back to bed. Felt okay-ish when I woke up about midday but still tender headed, and ended up taking an asprin before heading out to an apppointment.
Got back and frittered the rest of the day away on the computer, although I did get the dishes done.

I seem to have totally lost focus and momentum with the art challenge. I will try to revive it tomorrrow, after taking a walk on the beach. I think once the boot camp is over, I will be able to get into a bit gentler exercise routine, which will leave me more able for the art.  A walk for the dog's health, an exercise session for mine, then the rest of the morning down the shed. That is the plan anyway. I still have a backlog of projects to do just to clear some more floorspace in the shed, and I really want to get into those and get them out of the way. I also need to start working on the website again, get some content up and a gallery set up. It has been stalled on the holding page for far too long.

Did not do any art things at all today. Ended up sleeping most of the day after bootcamp as I could not sleep last night, got maybe one hour of dozing. Also had a vet visit with my little girl, and just had no focus this evening. Tomorrow is another day.

Day 19
Another not too bad day at boot camp, but going away for the weekend and an appointment meant a lot of organising and running around. My only time in the shed was spent choosing what materials to take away with me. I didn't want to drag my large tubes of acrylic around with me, along with my brush tube, palette, water cups etc. So I checked and revamped my old travel pack. I have a pencil case that I used to drag everywhere with me, never left home without it and my journal, with cutting knife, calligraphy pens, pencils, colour pencils, rubber etc. I don't tend to journal a great deal in books anymore, a lot of it is done online, or at least digitally.

I chose a new compact circular watercolour kit with two layers that screw together with about 12 colours, my little tin of coloured pencils, rubber, soft graphite pencil, mini metal ruler, a black marker with a fine tip, a pen, and a soft round paintbrush. All packed together in one easy to carry pouch, but with enough choice of media that I could find one that suited my mood. I vacillated over taking charcoal pencils as well, as I really want to have a charcoal and pastel drawing session, but decided it was too messy to do at someone else's home, and the weather ruled out doing it outdoors. to self - take photo of pack for scrapbook.



Day 20
Very slack day, slept in till nearly midday! Was great. Spent some time in the afternoon playing with watercolours. I have not used them very much, and I thought I would see what effects I could get, and maybe get some interesting butterfly wings. Did that, then decided I would try doing a fairy/angel type being. Did the head and shoulders, then decided to pose it leaning on a rock with legs curled up and out to the side with her dress draped over them. Puddled away at it and discovered (again) that I cannot visualize draped fabric in my head. The figure I drew was a little stiff, and the gown over her legs a little dodgy, but overall, I was really pleased. Colours were great, limbs acceptable, and the wings worked ok too.

Put in some green ground and tried to think of what to do about a background. Started sketching in some leaves, and switched to coloured pencils. Suddenly 'saw' a grey stone wall behind her and the leaves and realized I had what I wanted. Filled in the wall on one side and the leaves the same, and then called it a night. Pencils needed sharpening and I was having trouble judging the colours. Plus, it was about 2am by then, so time for bed.

Day 21
Got up and finished the picture. Put in the rest of the leaves and the wall, coloured them in, then decided they needed the pen outline to match the Elf. Winged Elf. Angel. What ever. In retrospect, I am not sure it was such a good move, as without the lines around the leaves, the figure did jump out from the background, but I still feel that it matched the style. Will post some progress shots in the scrapbook.

Finally I feel like I have done a completed piece. One more week to go. One last week of boot camp, only three more sessions, and seven days of the art challenge! Yay!  I didn't get anywhere near the amount done that I thought I would be, but a lot of that has been due to exhaustion and pain. Hopefully this week wont be so bad. Bit of a busy week, and I will probably continue to play with my watercolours and pencils as I can do that away from home.

I had a housework day today. I woke with no pain in my legs and only slightly stiff shoulders, and decided it was time for a cleanup as I have been too exhausted and sore to do much the last couple of weeks. t was so nice to have some energy and be free of pain! Maybe my body is finally adjusting. Or maybe it was the lack of running that spared me.
Whatever, it was very welcome.

In the shed, I finally did a little work on my 'Musica' series sculptures, painting over the putty used to attach the pods to the bases, and a few little gaps in the paper covering the base. Checked on the ornament repairs, they all seem to have set, and did a litle more organising and cleaning. Got my you-beaut new stapler/tacking gun today too. Good stuff. Also looked up soldering and cutting glass bottles online and found a couple of good youtube video tutorials. Had an inspiration about the bottles candlesticks too.

to self, post Ziggy before and after repairs in scrapbook.

No art again today, even though I had a bit more energy and was not feeling so exhausted. I did however have to take time to care for my body so it didn't sieze up. I have uploaded yesterdays butterfly into the gallery though. Not really worthy of the gallery but nevermind.